can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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