Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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