i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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