i just wanna soil my oats bro
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize