Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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