What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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