9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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