I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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