what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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