I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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