Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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