New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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