Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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