piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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