Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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