I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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