I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it hurts more in the daytime
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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