Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
These tits shall not be calmed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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