You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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