I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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