Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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