i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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