I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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