But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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