I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize