hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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