i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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