Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize