don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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