Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize