My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
babies were throwing up all over the place
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize