i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize