they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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