She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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