does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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