so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize