I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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