I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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