im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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