Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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