I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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