I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize