And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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cat food counts as protein by the way
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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