i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize