I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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