I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize