1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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