Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize