just survived the first fart of the relationship.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize