I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize